


closed door negotiations

by chailattemusings



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Alien Biology, Multi, Porn Battle, Pretty unabashedly filthy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-18
Updated: 2014-09-18
Packaged: 2018-02-17 20:21:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2322020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chailattemusings/pseuds/chailattemusings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say you shouldn't invite vampires into your home. Strife learns the same goes for demigods and blood mages.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. LUCY'S VERSION

**Author's Note:**

> It goes like this. [This amazing cute artwork](http://kirinwill.tumblr.com/post/97605296477/anonymous-said-to-kirinwill-so-um-how-would-you) got posted to Tumblr. Everyone spent the night telling hilariterrible spitroasting jokes. Chai and I talked about how we'd each write the story differently. So we both wrote the story!
> 
> First chapter is my take on the concept. Second chapter is Chai's take on it. Two fics for the price of one! We hope you enjoy~

Will knew a thing or two about folklore and mythology. It was not his area of expertise by any means, but he listened and remembered strange, random details from the stories he’d heard, even as he’d scoffed at them. One thing that he could vividly recall was something about hospitality law and how the worst thing a person could do was invite a vampire into their home.

Will was pretty sure neither Kirin nor Parvis were vampires, but it still felt appropriate given the deep troubling feeling that seized Will as the demigod and the blood mage wandered around the Solution Tower. Clearly, Will had misstepped here. As his guests poked around his workstations and things, he wondered if he could fix this. How did the heroes of those folk tales survive once the vampire was in their house?

Or-- oh, maybe they didn’t. Maybe that was the point? He should’ve paid more attention, really.

“You know,” Parvis said, voice loud in that way that meant he was talking _over_ Will, not to him, “Strifey’s got it all. Fancy machines. Fancy labs. Fancy _lasers_ , I like them.”

“It’s an impressive set-up,” Kirin agreed amicably. “I sense a… a caveat’s on its way.”

“There is _no bedroom_! Will, where do you sleep? Not on the machines, I hope, though that would explain what a sore bastard you are in the mornings.”

“I have--” Will stopped, taking a slow breath. “The Solution Tower is my business first and my home second. It wouldn’t do for clients to-- to stumble into my personal quarters.”

“So they do exist?” There was a blur of black and blue, the sound of quick steps, and Kirin was at Will’s side, his hand curling lightly around Will’s wrist, touch dry but firm. “I had started to wonder myself.”

If that wasn’t bad enough, Parv appeared at Will’s other side, and he began to feel very penned in. “Oooh, let’s see it then!” His arm slung around Will’s neck. “I bet it’s very, what’s it? _Executive_.”

There were _definitely_ a lot of stories about why this was a dangerous situation. Will was certain of it. Lots of stories where the hero got himself in danger and then died tragically to drive home some moral about not trusting strangers.

And there were no stranger men than Kirin and Parvis.

Technically he was the one leading the way, being the only one of them who knew where his personal quarters _were_ , but it scarcely felt like it. Kirin’s hands were on him, and Will could feel the power than thrummed through him in his skin, the electric aura setting Will’s skin alight, making the spots covering his skin brighten in a pale green glow that he desperately tried to squash.

Parv shot him a look, that wide grin he wore so often, and Will _knew_ he was in trouble.

“It’s really not anything impressive,” Will said, voice tight. “It’s just, uh, just a few things. Not that interesting.”

“I think we would like to be the judges of that,” Kirin said, squeezing Will’s hip in a way that was probably meant to be comforting. Will felt himself flush a more vivid green.

The bedroom was an afterthought, really. He’d never considered it necessary, always catching his sleep wherever he was while waiting on his projects. Genomes needed copying, ore needed processing, equipment needed charging. For a long time, those were his power naps.

Dedicated space only came when Will ran out of spare room to shove a bed into, though he’d be lying if he said he didn’t still mostly just sleep at the machines.

He tapped open the door to his room, if it could be called that. It really was very staid. There was a fairly large bed with dark drapes to keep out the light, maroon carpet floors, and a dresser. It was utilitarian at best and spartan at worse.

Still better than Parv’s little cult bedroom, though.

Parv sprang away as soon as they were in the room, leaping to flip on the lamp and sweep the drapes aside to look at the bed. Will took a step towards him, nervous as he carelessly started to go through Will’s things.

He was stopped by Kirin’s hands on his shoulders, the man urging him back until he could feel Kirin behind him. “I have to say, I expected more personality. Usually interior decorating is a strong suit of yours,” Kirin opined mildly, like his hands weren’t sliding down to Will’s chest, holding him still.

“It’s-- it’s just for sleeping and changing, honestly,” Will said.

“Wrong! Wrong, Strifeykins, you _wound_ me with your wrongness!” Parv crowed as he finished being nosy and practically skipped back to them. “I sort of knew you were a stick in the mud, but this is _too much_.”

Will grit his teeth, like he always did when Parv got a little punchy with his remarks. “I would say I’m sorry you don’t approve, but--”

Parv went on, speaking over him. “The way I see it, _William_ ,” he said Will’s name like he was rolling a sweet over his tongue, “is that this? Is where the magic happens. Everyone knows that. But you don’t _do_ magic.” His grin was even more smug than usual. “Which is why it’s a good thing you have us.”

And then Parv’s hands were cupping his neck, thumbs digging in just so under his jaw to tilt his head up enough for Parv to crash their mouths together. It was a shock, and Will tried to reel back, but Kirin was a wall behind him.

Parv applied some pressure to Will’s throat, just enough to startle him again. His mouth opened on a gasp and Parv-- Parv did not taste like sweets at all. He tasted coppery in a way that would have worried Will any other day. For now, he was trying to keep up with the way Parv was strolling into his mouth like he owned it, like he acted with _everything_ Will had, like it was all his by right of Parv. It never stopped being infuriating.

“Very nice,” Kirin said into Will’s ear and he’d almost forgotten about him. He twisted away, flushing bright green as he realized Kirin had just _watched_.

“That’s-- this isn’t what Parv and I…”

Parv rolled his eyes, the motion carrying down his whole body in a fit of exasperation. “He knows, Strife. We’ve discussed it already.”

“You discussed _what_?”

“A good many things,” Kirin said mildly, sliding his hands down Will’s arms, grasping his elbows and leaning in to press his face against Will’s cheek. “What is the point of being a man in your position if you never stop to _enjoy_ it, Will?”

There were plenty of reasons why that wasn’t a good enough reason to let two of the most dangerous men Will knew _do this_ , but they all evaporated out of his grasp when Kirin kissed him, turning him into his embrace and nipping Will’s lips softly before tracing them with his tongue. It felt so slow and easy after the conquest that had been Parv’s kiss, and Will didn’t even pause before opening up and letting Kirin deepen the kiss.

Parv wrapped his arms around Will and pulled at his shirt, untucking it from his pants until he could get his hands on Will’s chest. Will let out a noise, choked and unsure, and gripped someone’s arm, holding on tight as he was slowly, inexorably boxed in by both men.

The space seemed very small, and that alone stole Will’s breath and he tried to wrap his head around what was happening, the _plainly obvious_ seduction he was humoring. He ducked his head, breathing hard, and felt Kirin instantly adjust, nudging his nose against Will’s hairline in what was worryingly close to a nuzzle. “Hold on, wait,” he managed between deep breaths. He swatted Parv’s hands. “ _Parvis_.”

Parv let out a whine, lifting his head to look at Will with a pout on his face. “But _Striiife_.”

“You’re--” Will elbowed him sharply. “We’re not doing this until you wash your hands. Who knows whose blood you’re covered in this time?”

Kirin nodded. Or maybe he was still just nuzzling. “A good point, Parvis,” he agreed.

“Fiiine.” Parv leaned in sharply, his nose bumping against Will’s, his smile reaching cheshire levels of mad enthusiasm. “M’not touching yooou,” he crooned for a moment before bounding away, over to the bathroom and its sink.

That should had afforded Will a moment to breathe, but Kirin started to divest Will of his clothes. He didn’t seem to take the time to undo any buttons, but soon Will’s vest and shirt were open and Kirin’s hand was sweeping along his skin. He made an interested sound, pressing his fingers against the green spots that were flaring up, betraying Will’s interest boldly. “Do you have these all over, Will?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Will replied in a weak voice, aware of Kirin’s regard on him like a physical touch.

Kirin lifted his gaze to Will’s. “I intend to find out.”

Will was reeling from _that_ gutpunch of a promise while Kirin dragged his clothes down his shoulders, tossing them carelessly to the floor. The air was cool, enough it would bother Will if Kirin’s hands didn’t sweep over his skin. His hands were rough, calloused in a way Will didn’t expect, and as they moved a fizzle of power followed them. It was akin to static, and Will shut his eyes, sucking in a breath as his body greedily ate up the stimulus. The nodes and ampullae were spread all over him, and each one seemed to hum happily under Kirin’s attention.

“Don’t think we’ll be needing this,” Parv said, and the lamp clicked off. Soon, Parv’s hands were on Will as well, wrapping around his wrists and pulling them against the small of Will’s back. “Look at you, all lit up.”

He was. It was _mortifying_ , but he was glowing like a chem light, and Will shut his eyes, trying to take some steadying breaths. It was hard as he was crowded again, hands directing him and brooking no argument until he was pushed down onto his bed.

Parv followed, climbing up with him and pinning his hands again, leaning down to kiss him with that casual bossiness. Kirin took the opportunity to undo Will’s pants while he was occupied, and Will didn’t react in time to-- to warn them or something. “Uh, that’s-- I’m not--”

That ship had sailed; Kirin was standing at the foot of the bed, his eyes lamplights and centered narrowly on Will’s body. Even Parv was distracted from his task, his own eyes wide as he looked at Will. “How’s that work, then?”

Kirin snorted. “Luminans aren’t like humans, Parvis. You should know that. How long did you and Will spend together in the old world?”

“Oh my _god_ ,” Will said, pained. He lifted his legs, pressing his knees together. He’d gotten too caught up in this, how fast it was happening, he fucking _forgot_. Parvis was human, and Kirin… was probably human once upon a time. It was the dorms at college all over again, and in the worst way.

“Oh, come on, Strife, don’t--” Parv tsked loudly and put his hands back on Will, pressing greedy fingers into Will’s shoulders and dragging them down against his biceps, squeezing. The green glow had been fading, the light dimming as Will’s arousal did, but Parv was determined; he swung himself over Will’s lap, bending down to catch Will’s mouth and plunder it again.

He was good at that, Will had to admit as his toes curled at the deep, decadent kisses, metallic and warm, under Parv’s ministrations.

Beyond Parvis, there was still Kirin, and he was not motionless either. Will’s knees were held, drawn apart firmly. He huffed, tried to break away to say something, but Parv followed Will’s mouth.

Will could _feel_ it. He was unknotting gradually, the gently interwoven fronds shifting, interested in all the attention he was getting. He wasn’t used to it being so fast; luminans took coupling slow, not like humans tended to. But now, he felt it all in a rush, spreading like chemical fire from his navel up his chest and splashing over his cheeks.

Parv drew away to coo at him. “There it is, look at that.” His fingers ran over over Will’s face, where he was burning so brightly.

“We must be doing something right,” Kirin said. His hands brushed against Will’s inner thigh, making him jerk, gasping. “Easy.”

“You have _no idea_ what you’re doing,” Will pointed out breathlessly.

“I was going to hazard a few guesses.”

“I want to see,” Parvis said, sliding sideways off Will and turning. “Oh, you’re _really_ colorful down here, aren’t you?” Brash as ever, Parv reached out, running his fingers along Will’s skin.

Sensation exploded outward, taking Will off guard. There were so many nerves, all so close to the surface, and Will gasped and rolled away, curling up to protect them. “Y-- you can’t just--!”

Kirin was there in an instant, preternaturally fast as ever, his body curving over Will’s. There was an energy to him that danced over Will’s bare skin, making his voice catch. It coated him, replacing that lancing, almost-painful pleasure with something more manageable, the physical equivalent of white noise. “All right, you’re all right,” he soothed, running a broad hand up and down Will’s thigh.

After a moment, he was, and looked over Kirin’s shoulder at Parv. “You… have to go slower, Alex.”

There was power in just that name, and Parv nodded with what passed for solemnness for him. “I can do that.”

“Mm,” Kirin hummed, taking Will’s knee and rolling him onto his back again. Will went reluctantly, letting both of them hover over him, both their gazes intense and a little embarrassing. Will threw his arm over his eyes, breathing deeply, scrambling to keep calm under Kirin and Parv’s attention.

“So if I can’t touch you, what do I do?” Parv asked.

Will bit his lip for a moment. “You… you can touch, it’s just... “ He let out a tense sigh. “It’s been a while, Parvis, it’s not easy to…”

“Here, let me,” Kirin murmured, almost gracious, and leaned in over Will.

His fingers were crackling with something inherent and maddening, the power fizzling over Will’s navel before they ran down along where Will was unfurling. He gasped, jerking as that feeling of being overwhelmed descended over him again. But this time, Parv was there to grab his hips, holding them down and grounding him against the storm as Kirin’s fingers pressed along the uncurling tendrils and folds of hypersensitive, layered skin. He dragged them back up, against the fronds, and Will arched, cursing through his clenched jaw.

Kirin’s fingers drew away, and Will didn’t know whether to be relieved or furious. “You’re _very_ eager, Will.”

“Fuck.” Will dragged a hand along his face. “I did say it’d been a while, all right?”

“Then…” Kirin smiled, and in the dim light Will couldn’t help but notice how bright he was. It was almost familiar, the glow so much like his own people, but peeking through Kirin, through the lightning scars on his face like he was nothing but electricity and his skin was only just keeping him in. “I think I can think of a… solution.”

He stood, gliding off the bed and stripping, untying his robe and shucking it off. It was in a way a lot more intimate than having his hand against Will’s sheath; Kirin’s horns caught on his mantle as he took it off, and his robes crackled with static as he threw them over the dresser. More skin on display meant Will had to sit up to look. As he’d quietly hoped, more of the jagged, branching scars were spread all over his body, hairline thin shimmers of white-blue everywhere.

Without being told, Parv joined in, dragging his shirt over his head and kicking off his jeans right onto the floor. He was darker than both of them with a bit more fluff to him than Will anticipated. He managed to look even more disheveled without clothes on, but just as comfortable, taking a moment to stretch his arms over his head, showing off the ridiculous _length_ of his entire body, like he’d been built out of pipecleaners.

“Um,” Will said. It was strange to feel more self-conscious with the humans getting naked with him, but nothing else about this had made sense, so why would it start now?

“I think I know what you’re thinking, Kirin,” Parv boasted with a grin as his arms swung at his sides. “I mean, great minds, right?”

Kirin arched an eyebrow at Parv. “Do tell then.”

Parv threw another easy smirk over his shoulder at Will. “Give Will something else to think about while he’s getting fucked.”

Kirin crossed his arms. He had a wideness to him that was hard to ignore, from the expanse of his shoulders to the thickness of his arms and chest, the span of his head with those curved ram horns and all. Silently, Will clenched his hands in the sheets, making himself look away. “I was thinking of it, yes.”

“Well, then you can take his mouth, obviously,” Parv said, so cavalier that Will made an incoherent surprised noise. “I mean, you’re not fucking him, I’ve been waiting longer to trip him into bed.”

“You-- what?” Will managed.

“Fine,” Kirin agreed. He returned to the bed. “You heard the plan, Will. Hands and knees.”

A high laugh bubbled out of Will, edgy and panicked. “You want me to--” He was having trouble putting words together anymore. It was embarrassing; he usually prided himself so much on his eloquence, but now his mind was preoccupied with the way his skin was humming and the shivery feeling of nearby electricity kept rolling over him. It was like the air during a lightning storm, but _more_ , and he could feel it whittling away at his good sense.

Kirin climbed onto the bed with him, and Will rose to his knees, holding his hands up. Kirin wrapped his fingers around the circumference of Will’s wrists, pulling them up until Will was palming Kirin’s chest. Not one to be left out, Parv joined in, settling against Will’s back with both his arms twining around Will’s hips. He was blood-hot against Will, shifting around and just rubbing in a distracting way until they were pressed together from shoulders down along their legs.

Kirin smiled and tipped Will’s face up for another long, easy kiss. The timing was vital; Parv tucked his hands between Will’s legs, fingers tangling into the tendrils, letting them curl their narrow lengths around him and brushing his thumbs along them. Will whined, hips jerking as the friction woke him up more. He could feel it all zinging through him, the fronds parting in hopes of getting more action, the way the cilia inside worked together and sent heat lancing up his spine, spidering out across his whole body.

Will could feel Parv’s fucking grin pressing into his shoulder a split second before his fingers pressed in, past the fronds and in where every touch had stars bursting behind Will’s eyelids. His head tossed to the side, gasping for breath as Parv pushed further, rocking his fingers deep inside and stealing Will’s breath so thoroughly he couldn’t even curse. When the cilia caught between two of Parv’s fingers and dragged together, Will _shook_ , arms going useless and leaving him to slump against Kirin, just trying to breath through the coil of pressure winding up in his gut. It left him _incoherent_ , only vaguely aware of Kirin’s hands petting through and carding his hair, taking handfuls of his clipped blond locks and pulling. It gave Will something to focus on.

“What’re you _waiting_ for?” Parv asked sharply.

Kirin ran a broad hand against Will’s hair, settling to grip the back of his neck. Even still, there was static in his fingers and it pinged deliciously around Will’s ampullae, adding the thick buzz to the torrent he was already dealing with. “I was enjoying the view, actually. But I see your point.”

Fingers pressed into Will’s mouth, opening him up easily. They pressed down against his tongue, then further back, testing. Will made a muffled noise, jerking back for a second before relaxing his jaw. “Good,” he heard from above him, in that world around him that wasn’t consumed with desperation and drowning sensation.

Kirin’s hand was firm on the back of his head as he withdrew his fingers and slowly fed Will his dick, pressing smoothly into his mouth with quelling pressure against his jaw, holding him open wide. Will’s throat worked, entirely unconscious; he wasn’t capable of much more than that and bracing his arms on Kirin. Behind him, Parv’s fingers had cruelly withdrawn, knocking another upset, muffled sound from Will as Parv shifted around. He nudged Will’s legs apart with a knee before getting right back in, pressed flush to Will’s back. This time, though, he canted his hips up, his hard cock sliding against Will, pressed along his sheath.

He was not going to survive this. No one could survive so _much_.

Both of them proceeded to work in tandem to take him apart. Kirin’s hips rocked, slow but constant, rubbing his dick against Will’s tongue, his hands cupping his head. Distantly, he could hear what sounded like words of encouragement, but Will couldn’t parse any of it. All of his focus was on swallowing around Kirin’s dick, trying not to be too much of a complete mess as he sucked wetly at him. There was no grace or finesse to it, just his mouth stretched and used, and Will trying to keep up with demands Kirin conveyed with his hands.

Parv spent a while just teasing, rocking against Will and taking turnings kissing and biting down along his spine, each press of his mouth radiating out like a brand. Soon, that stopped being enough and Parv took Will’s hips in an unforgiving grip, urging him against the bed and tilting his hips up until his back slide into an easy curve and Parv was able to nudge his dick up and in.

From that point on, Will’s mind was a molasses-sweet blank. There wasn’t a single coherent through to be had as he was fucked from both sides, Kirin’s dick dragging along his tongue in a steady rhythm and Parv’s working up into him, making Will greedy with tendrils curling around him, cilia reaching to touch until it felt like every fucking nerve ending he had was flashing in unison. Thank god neither of them seemed to expect much of him because he wasn’t capable of much but hanging on and letting it all crash over him. Thank the fucking stars his mouth was full or he’d be _begging_ , for them to stop because it was too much or to keep going because he wanted to see how much more he could take.

Coming felt more like smashing into the stratosphere than anything, the tension drawing too tight before snapping all at once. Will sobbed, body rocking all on its own between the two men as he tried to hang onto it. It made him more sloppy than ever and he crumbled down. Kirin seemed ready for that, and eased all of them down; he sat back on his heels, keeping Will’s head held down on him, tipping him forward until he was on his elbows on the bed.

The new angle make Parv groan, low and rumbling as he fucked in deeper, thrusts getting erratic as he moved. He was saying something. Will thought it was his name, but couldn’t be sure.

His focus was brought back to Kirin when he cupped Will’s cheek, murmuring softly, “That’s it, right--” before coming with a deep groan down Will’s throat. He was finished before Will even recognized what was happening, how _weird_ humans were, and suddenly his mouth was free again, letting him gasp and cough weakly. Kirin’s hands were there to guide him, and he was eased down to lay against Kirin’s thigh, his head instantly hanging, cheek against Kirin’s skin.

It was strange, but nice. Will was breathing hard, still drenched in so many good feelings, almost enough that he could _feel_ the endorphins bearing him down. Kirin was trailing his nails over his bare skin, and static skittered out from his touch. All of that was a balm against the too-intense pleasure that Parv was putting him through, his hips still working almost mindlessly, his fingers bruising the pale curve of Will’s ass with their hold.

“No medals for stamina, Parv,” Kirin said, voice so sonorous and deep it felt good to just _listen_ to.

“F--fuck off, Kirin, you have no idea…” Parv grunted, paused to catch his breath. “How _good_ this is, you couldn’t fucking _dream_ of it--” With a sharp cry, Parv came, just gone between one second and the next, falling against Will’s back with his breath warm against his shoulder blades, spilling hot into Will.

Will moaned, softly, shuddering at the feeling. Humans were so messy, god. Luckily he was too fucking tired to care.

He felt like he’d just been hit by a hurricane. Or how he assumed that’d feel on a… a metaphysical level. Or something.

He didn’t realize he’d said it out loud until Kirin was laughing and reaching down to reposition Will and Parv, tipping them onto their sides on the bed. “I think I like you like this, Will.”

“Mmh,” Will hummed, stropping his cheek against the pillow. He felt Parv wiggle closer as they were moved around, whining unhappily as he got his arms around Will and tucked up against his back like an overeager fuzzy octopus. Will elbowed him once just to hear him whine again and Parv somehow used some dark magicks to insinuate himself even closer.

For a moment, Will thought Kirin would leave. He would’ve been disappointed but unsurprised. But Kirin instead laid down on his side, smiling at Will in a way that actually managed to not be intimidating. “You’re a good host, Mr. Strife. You should be commended.”

That-- on top of the luscious heat that was filling Will’s body and the ache in his jaw and the feeling of being so well _used_ \-- bubbled up in Will until he turned his face down against the pillow and started laughing. It felt good, decadent like the first stretch after a long sleep.

Parv made a sound and squeezed Will, and Will quieted down. “Anytime,” he whispered to Kirin, trying not to think about how hoarse he sounded. “Except not anytime because that would kill me, but… you know.”

“Of course.” Kirin bent his head to Will’s until their noses touched and a spark zipped between them. “Now, sleep.”

He didn’t need to be told twice, and shut his eyes, letting sleep drag him down and away between one breath and the next.


	2. Chai's Version

Will knew a thing or two about folklore and mythology. It was not his area of expertise by any means, but he listened and remembered strange, random details from the stories he heard, even as he scoffed at them. One thing that he could vividly recall was something about hospitality law and how the worst thing a person could do was invite a vampire into their home.

Will was pretty sure neither Kirin nor Parvis were vampires, but it still felt appropriate, given the deep troubling feeling that seized Will as the demigod and the blood mage wandered around the Solution Tower. Clearly, Will had misstepped here. As his guests poked around his workstations and equipment, he wondered if he could fix this. How did the heroes of those folk tales survive once the vampire was in their house?

Or-- oh, maybe they didn’t. Maybe that was the point? He should’ve paid more attention, really.

“You know,” Parvis said, voice loud in that way that meant he was talking _over_ Will, not to him, “Strifey’s got it all. Fancy machines. Fancy labs. Fancy _lasers,_ I like them.”

“It’s an impressive set-up,” Kirin agreed amicably, hands clasped behind his back and keeping a good distance from the various machines, lest he set something off with a stray lightning bolt. “I sense a . . . a caveat’s on its way here.”

“There is _no bedroom_! Will, where do you sleep? Not on the machines, I hope, though that would explain what a sore bastard you are in the mornings.” Parvis kicked at the nearest piece of equipment for emphasis.

“I have--” Will stopped, taking a slow breath. “The Solution Tower is my business first and my home second. It wouldn’t do for clients to-- to stumble into my personal quarters.”

“So they do exist?” There was that blur of black and blue, the sound of quick steps, and Kirin was at Will’s side, his hand curling lightly around Will’s wrist, touch dry but firm. “I had started to wonder myself.”

If that wasn’t bad enough, Parv appeared at Will’s other side, and he began to feel very penned in. “Oooh, let’s see it then!” His arm slung around Will’s neck. “I bet it’s very, what’s it? _Executive_.”

There were _definitely_ a lot of stories about why this was a dangerous situation. Will was certain of it. Lots of stories where the hero got himself in danger and then died tragically to drive home some moral about not trusting strangers.

And there were no stranger men than Kirin and Parvis.

Letting them into his bedroom was less _letting_ them in, and more touching the correct door before they pulled him inside by the arms, Parv leading on his left and Kirin following with a firm grasp on his right wrist. Will stood, squished in between them, cheeks beginning to flush a mild green as Parvis marched them inside. Kirin clicked the door shut, subtly flicking the lock that Will had put there to keep intruders out, and not in.

Parv took about two seconds to admire the sparse wood and single bed, before turning his nose up at it. “Will, how do you have all those advanced machines and architecture, and let your bedroom be _this_?” He gestured to the rest of the room with the arm not wrapped around Will's shoulder, wiggling his fingers. “A single bed isn't very useful.”

“It is useful!” Will snapped, trying to wriggle from Parv's touch, and failing, as the arm tightened around him. The bloodstained hand trailing across his side brushed red over his shirt, and it sent panic lancing through Will, more afraid of what Parv could do with that blood than the stains it would leave behind. “I only need one bed,” he added, when neither Parv nor Kirin agreed with his protest.

“But surely it's not comfortable?” Kirin released his wrist to trace his fingers over the sheets, thumbing the corners. “No room to spread out, not many blankets.”

“Not big enough for, ah, nighttime adventures.” Parv waggled his eyebrows, grip ever tighter around Will's shoulders. “Come on, Will, how do you expect to entertain visitors with only a single bed in this dank little room?”

“I don't have visitors!” Will yanked Parv's arm off him, backing against the wall opposite his bed. Kirin and Will kept their eyes on him, Kirin's eyes on his face while Parv focused on the rapidly expanding green blush across his cheeks.

“Oh, but . . .” Kirin dropped the blankets, sidling up to Parv and giving him a side glance. “You have us, Will. How could we be satisfied with such a small bed?” The implication there didn’t settle well, curling in Will’s chest and sliding down to his gut. The way Kirin’s eyes drifted down his body, and back up, made him swallow.

Parv grinned, toothy and wide. “I could think of a way.”

Will frowned, wrinkling his nose. “And what would _that_ be?” But his face glowed bright as his eyes even as he said it, and he could feel his blood rushing to his head. Parv settled in on one side of him, slow and confident like a lazy cat with its prey cornered, and Kirin moved so fast to his other side that Will had no option but to gasp when he was already there. Two sets of eyes went half lidded, two arms braced either side of him, one covered in spilled blood and the other letting off tiny sparks, so close to Will's ampullae that he shivered.

“How about we share,” Parv said, low, dipping his head in to hover by Will's jaw, barely tracing with his lips. Will pushed hard on the wall, trying to back away and met with nothing but cold stone seeping through the thin cotton of his shirt. He put both hands on the chilled wall, curling them tight to grasp pathetically at nothing.

“Three to one bed, such a tight fit,” Kirin added, his fingers dancing down Will's shoulder. Will jumped at the touch, unable to suppress a groan, electric pulses sparking down his arm and through his chest. Green glowed brighter, his freckles shining and mixing with the shadows the two men cast over him.

“W-Won’t work,” he tried to say, stammering through the pulses Kirin sent through him.

Parv laughed. “We’ll _make_ it work.”

Taking a moment to admire the way Will blushed, Parv slipped a finger over the bright glow of his cheeks, down his neck to where more freckles peeked out from his shirt collar. For a moment Will worried about the blood he might leave, but he felt no harsh liquid staining his skin, only Parv’s warm hand as it trailed over his collarbone, pressing hard enough on the freckles and their glow that his mouth dropped open.

“How long has it been, Will?” he whispered into his neck, and pressed a hard kiss there, sucking the skin beneath his jaw. “So long, that you don't even want an extra bed?”

“Such a shame.” Kirin nuzzled his nose into Will's cheek, sparks fizzling in what could only be described as a tickle, his hand moving from his arm to his stomach to press there, gently. Will could feel the heat pooling under his fingers, running lower in a rush of thrumming blood that had him whining, straining to close his throat before the sounds could escape. The feeling that had curled in his gut grew tighter, winding like the coil of a spring as Kirin’s fingers spread wide over his abdomen.

The cold wall vanished from his back, and in a whirl of colors and gravity, Will found himself on the bed, Kirin at his back and Parv standing at the foot in front of him. Will opened his mouth to say something, stopped when Kirin held two hands anchored on his hips. Parv settled his hands over Will's shoulders, rubbing his thumbs rough against the fabric to scratch at the glowing freckles beneath.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he cried, pushing through the distraction of hot touches that made him squirm. He raised a hand to slap Parv away from his shoulder. As he did, he felt another electric shock in his hip, just enough to startle a yell out of him, and his hands dropped. Kirin practically _purred_ , nuzzling the back of his neck.

“What I think,” Parv said, bending a knee and cocking a hip as he held on to Will, pushing all his weight on him, “is that this bed is horizontal, and there's only one good way to share it.”

“If we all squeeze in together,” Kirin said, close to his ear. Will jumped, and shivered, blush crawling its way up his neck to burn ever brighter, telling despite his protests against the two. The request to stop was on the tip of his tongue, waiting, but the tickle of Kirin’s lips on his ear and the way Parv squeezed his shoulders crushed the desire.

Kirin's fingers pressed harder on his hips and yanked him back, forcing Will to knee walk backwards until there was space on the bed, and Parv settled himself at the far end, chest flush to Will, their foreheads resting together.

“There. Perfect fit.”

Parv kissed him, leaning down to capture his lips and _push_. Will gasped, and Parvis' tongue slid in, copper and heat rolling over Will's lips and into his mouth, sucking his own tongue in with a harsh pull. If he cracked his eyes open, Will could see the green reflection of his freckles on Parv's skin, but Parvis met his gaze then and Will had to close his eyes, had to block out those dark pupils boring into him like the burn of a dying star.

Kirin hooked a chin over his shoulder behind him, hands moving, slipping over the buttons of his vest and unhooking them, carefully, one by one. Will opened his mouth, pulling back to breathe, but Parv only let him have a moment's reprieve, enough time for Kirin to divest his first layer and slide it off his arms, casting it to the floor. Will's hands scrabbled, unsure where to touch, until Kirin took up his shirt and did the same as his vest, leaving Will bare-chested and shining between them, his glow only matched by the ethereal shimmer of cerulean from Kirin's eyes, trailing around his hood and curling into the phantom horns that adorned his head.

Will could picture them, though his mouth - and subsequently his entire front-facing attention - was taken by Parv. Kirin used the time to run his hands down Will's chest, hips flush to his ass and rubbing casually, in no hurry to get himself off. He trailed lightly over the freckles and pushed harder on bare skin, where he paused. Will knew what he was expecting, the kind of hair humans usually had on their skin, but the pause wasn’t longer than a moment before Kirin’s hands moved again, rubbing teasingly in warm caresses.

Parv gave his lip one last sharp bite, and released him, grinning with a shine of new blood on his chin. Will's blood, the most dangerous thing for Parv to have on his skin. He did nothing with it, though, cast no dark magic, but instead licked it up and purred. “Your blood always _did_ make a good ritual,” he said, putting his hands back on Will's shoulders where they'd been moved from when Kirin took his clothes off. “Figures, that it tastes as good as it works magic.”

“Will,” Kirin chided, nibbling lightly at his earlobe. “Potty mouth wizard magic? Well, I never.”

Kirin knew all too well that Will helped Parv with his blood magic, but the words sent shame through him all the same, green blush swirling over his cheeks, down his neck and shoulders. “My machines come first,” he said, but it was a weak argument and he knew it.

Kirin and Parvis hardly paid it any attention. Parv leaned back to discard his own shirt, pushing his furry chest into Will's bare skin. The hairs rubbed over his chest and stomach, scratching lightly as Parv ran his nails down Will's arms, taking up his hands and kissing each palm, pressing his teeth on the meat of the thumb as if threatening to bite.

Meanwhile, Kirin kept the attention on his ears and neck, fingertips curling over his shoulders, tracing his freckles and sending light sparks into the skin that has Will gasping, head tossed back as the electricity worked down his body, into his muscles in such a deep way that it both soothed him and had his eyes rolling back in his head. Leave it to Will to find the affection of the demigod of storms, possibly the worst person to send his body into fits.

“Fuck,” Will spat, regretting the crass word as soon as it slipped out. Kirin laughed in his ear, kissing over the shell.

“That's it,” he cooed. “Let the tension out, Will.”

“I--” Will cut off in a choked moan. Parvis had leaned down, biting his collarbone while his hands held Will's fiercely, fingers tangling together and _squeezing_ , so tight Will thought he might lose circulation.

“He's not much use to us, this way,” Parv said, licking across the bite marks he'd left, moving his lips over the glowing green freckles to probe with his tongue, but not marking them as he had the blank skin. Will thanked him for that grace, at least.

He shivered at the kisses, shoulders drawing up, only for Kirin to force them back down in a light touch of electric sparks. They fluttered down his skin and loosened Will back up immediately, biting his lip. “I am not your _toy_ ,” he tried, though the words nearly died in his throat.

“True,” Kirin agreed, but he seemed happy to nose at Will's ear and run his fingers over the ampullae, forcing electricity into his skin so Will stuttered and thrust his hips without meaning to, lost in his own headspace and barely hearing the words of the two men enveloping him.

He'd invited two beasts into his home, knowing the power they held, and now he paid the price, writhing between them while they discussed how best to use him for their own pleasure.

“I suggest we make this more accommodating.” Parvis kissed him again, pressing hard on Will's lips and brushing over his jaw, hands moving to his hips to push at the belt, as if to remove it by force.

It was Kirin who slid his hands around, undoing the buckle with slow, careful precision, while Parv tugged impatiently at the edges. Kirin must have sent him a look that Will didn't see, because moments later he stopped, and removed his own pants instead, getting off the bed briefly to shuck them in a random corner.

Will whined at the well placed kisses dancing over his shoulder, sucking lightly in the places his freckles didn't cover, as Kirin slid his pants down his thighs, nudging his knees up to pull them off his legs and dump them over the side of the bed. Kirin made no move to get undressed, but trailed his hands to Will's groin and cupped it, rubbing lightly. Will felt himself unfold under his touch, hands flying over Kirin's to press and encourage.

“So soft,” Kirin murmured, running his fingers over Will’s tendrils. “I didn’t know you were this _welcoming_ down there, Will.”

“Shut up,” he said, although the words had no heat to them. “If you don’t like my anatomy, you can leave.” The alien appendages, not unlike the flowers of this world, unfolded under a warm touch, and writhed actively against Kirin’s fingers.

“I didn’t say that,” Kirin chided, pressing harder under Will’s loose grip on his palm.

Parv resumed his position on the bed, cock hard, and curled a hand over himself to stroke indulgently. “Well, Strifey,” he said, smirk teasing across his face, “we have a bit of a dilemma here.”

“O-oh?” Will could barely think, barely breathe, as Kirin curled a finger into his folds, stroking across fronds and tendrils that throbbed and wrapped around his fingers. Will panted, grinding into the touch, thoroughly enjoying the hot, dry fingers that ran over his folds and spread his juices. Fuck, it _had_ been too long, even if Will would never admit it.

“Yes.” Parv stroked his cock again, face flushed as his arousal grew. “Your mouth is not currently sucking my dick, and that is an issue we should fix immediately.”

The thought of giving up to Parvis, of letting him take control as he fucked Will's mouth open, made him groan and swallow, throat bobbing. With the effort of moving a mountain, Will opened his eyes, the lights of the room swirling in a dizzy cacophony until his eyes focused, and caught the way Parv was grinning at him.

He nodded, unable to speak, still thrusting into Kirin's touch. It was taken away, his tendrils still buzzing with the ghost of his caress. Will whined, but Kirin's hands came back, one on his hip and the other on his back, pushing gently until he caved. Will let himself be put on his hands and knees, Parvis scooting back on the bed to make room. Soon he was at eye-level with his cock, bare and red, brushing over his lips.

“Well?” Parv pushed forward, bumping the head over Will's lips. “Get going, Will. Or has it been so long that you forgot how? Do you need me to teach you?”

Will had _some_ energy left, and he used it to glare at Parv, before the cock pushed at his lips again and Will resigned to opening his mouth, letting it slide in and tasting the heat.

Parvis took advantage, a hand in Will's hair as wasted no time in stroking over his tongue, relishing in the warmth and slick of Will's mouth. Will suppressed the need to choke at the sudden movement, breathing through his nose and working his tongue over the head of Parv's dick every time he drew back. It got a groan from Parv, but not much more.

Behind him, Kirin was using his hands again, trailing down Will's chest and teasing at his core. Will bucked into the touch, moaning around the cock in his mouth. Kirin ran a couple fingers over the stretching tendrils, as green as Will's blush, and drew them back. Will could feel himself curling and reaching, how briefly the fingers returned to run over him before pulling back again, teasing him in the worst way. The hands covered his back instead, tracing down the taut muscles before running around to his chest and stroking, sparks jolting through him, before moving between his legs once more.

Will pulled his hands from the sheets and braced himself on Parv's thighs, holding tight as he relished Kirin's hands exploring his genitalia, stroking, encouraging him, until they drew back to let his hands wander over his freckles, sending electric pulses that made his head spin, the heat of his own body nearly crushing him. He risked a glance up at Parv, and saw wide blown pupils staring back, watching the point where the cock thrust into his mouth. Will had lost sense of himself by that point, his jaw slack, and let Parvis use him as he pleased.

He didn't see Kirin undress, but then he felt another cock, flush between his legs. His tendrils slid over it, relishing the heat, and Kirin's hands went to his hips, running over his back and stroking his ass cheeks appreciatively before they settled in their anchor hold. Another spark, singular and powerful, ran up his spine, making him shiver and groan, the vibrations of his mouth prompting Parv to thrust faster.

There was a finger then, tracing carefully before pushing in. Will pressed back, taking it in eagerly, clenching as well as he could around the feeling. Then, another, two fingers inside him and working in small thrusts, lubed by his body's own juices. Will's back arched, and sucked hard on Parv's dick just to have something to think about while his tendrils swallowed Kirin's fingers.

They drew out, leaving him empty again, but not for long. Kirin's hands both clamped hard on him, holding Will in place, and his cock was back, dragging heavily over him before he thrust.

Will jolted, pushing desperately at Parv's stomach until he listened, drawing back. Will's mouth hung open as Kirin worked his way in, letting out a long, agonized moan. “Holy hell,” he squeaked out, voice wrecked from Parv's work.

Kirin stilled, rubbing a hand over his back, and the fabric running over Will's skin told him that Kirin hadn't undressed, but rather merely freed his cock and left his treasured robes in place. Will wouldn't begrudge him that, not when the caresses felt so nice accompanied by smooth silk pooling over his spine. “Is it too much?”

“N-no,” Will managed, breathing hard. “Just-- unfamiliar.”

“He's fine,” Parv insisted, bringing his cock back up. Will glared at him, but saw little choice other than to swallow it back down, closing his lips over the head and holding on to Parv's legs as he used his mouth without care.

Kirin stayed still a moment, before moving, slowly. He thrust, keeping a hand on Will's back, rubbing into the muscles and occasionally sending a light spark through him, relaxing his body and distracting him from being so _full_ , the cock stretching him beyond what he'd grown used to on his home planet. His genitalia _did_ make sex with humans, or partial humans, more interesting.

He didn't expect Parv to last long, but the orgasm still caught him off guard. Parvis clenched both hands over his head, curling in the short locks as best he could as he came straight into his mouth. Will gagged and drew back, and Parv let him, his cock going soft. Parv settled on the blankets, catching his breath, and threw Will a smile at the sight of him coughing. “A little too much for our Strifey?”

“Fuck you,” Will spat, but then Kirin was sending another burst through his skin, right near the ampullae, and he keened. Kirin had leaned over him as Parv pulled away, and he laid kisses over his shoulders, biting gently and nosing at the hot skin, a hand leaving Will's hips to run over the green tendrils not occupied with wrapping around his dick. He took one, stroking his fingers up and down, and Will dropped to his elbows from the shivers that rocked his entire frame.

“Mm,” Kirin hummed, licking over the top of his spine. “You feel so good, Will.”

“Ah--” Will's shoulder hunched, body curling in with the pressure and intensity of it all, and if his life force was being sucked away in that moment, if Kirin really had been a vampire best left outside his doorstep, Will couldn't have given less of a damn.

Heat flushed his cheeks, green and bright, and Will felt it when Kirin released. His tendrils grasped at his cock as he slid out, working over the shaft and themselves for more friction, but Will didn't have to ask before Kirin’s fingers were back, pressing in, while he licked and bit the skin of his back and sent his mind reeling into infinity, and Will could feel the build before it all came crashing down.

Chemicals rushed through him, and his limbs quivered before losing all strength. Will closed his eyes and fell, curling sideways on the sheets and panting. There was a touch that he recognized as a hand pressed to his forehead, and Kirin was there, placing soft kisses on his temple. “Wonderful, William,” he said, nuzzling over his hairline.

“But,” Parv said, from where he'd shifted down to sit at the bed's edge, giving Will the room to collapse and collect himself, “is it enough to convince him to get a bigger bed?”

“You two,” Will slurred, “are the worst.”

He meant to elaborate, to go on a long rant about why he was never inviting them in his house ever again, how wrong it was to corner him in his own home, but his eyelids were like weights, and it only took a couple of long, slow blinks before he closed them for good, breath evening out as he fell prey to exhaustion.

 

* * *

 

 

When Will awoke, he was tucked into bed properly, but something felt off. He stretched his arms and rubbed at his eyes, kicking the blankets away. He shivered, and found the first problem. He was naked. Will Strife did _not_ sleep naked.

The second problem was the way he’d settled on the bed. Not curled on his side, ready to spring up and head back to work, but on his back, and stretched out. He shook his head clear of the remaining fog, and sat up.

The bedposts looked . . . odd. It took another minute of staring, blinking and rubbing the sleep from his eyes, for Will to realize they were too far apart, the corners jutting up at twice the distance they usually had. He poked at the wooden frame with a toe, and huffed as he finally tossed the rest of the blankets aside and stood.

The bed, previously a single with plain blue sheets, was now a double, and the blankets had been changed from blue to bright red. Will furrowed his brow, and felt another breeze over his naked body, quickly searching the room for his clothes. His shirt and pants were easy enough, crumpled on the floor, but his belt he had to hunt for, and eventually uncovered it from beneath the new, strange bed. Will dressed himself, doing his best to keep the blush at bay as he remembered exactly why everything was scattered about in the first place.

They'd left him asleep, but in a new double bed. Will did his best to snuff out the domestic warmth that bloomed in his chest from the realization.

Another glance around the room revealed a note on a bedside dresser Will definitely did not have before. He walked over and picked it up, nearly dropping it at the sight of blood-red scrawl across the paper.

It said, _Left you a present. Thanks for having us over! --Parv_

And underneath that, _I promise the ink isn't blood. I checked. --Kirin_

Will turned the note over and back, but there was nothing else. Folding it, he tucked it in his shirt pocket and glanced back at the bed, with soft sheets and a striking color that must have been Parv's idea. No doubt they stole all the materials to make it from his own chests, making it not so much a present as an inconvenience, now that he had to replace the wood and wool.

Really, though, those weren't hard to get. And Will found himself running his fingers appreciatively over the blankets, feeling the silk touch that reminded him of a certain set of black and blue robes.

Heroes invited monsters into their home to prove a point, either from bravery or foolishness, and the two were often one and the same. Some survived, and some didn't, and the moral of the story taught others about trust, and the safety of one's own home.

Will had had his home invaded and his bed taken over by two astronomically powerful beings, a demigod of freely flowing lightning and a blood mage with sharp teeth to compliment a sharper personality. The moral should have been never to invite them back, to keep his home safe and protected from their foreign energies.

Plucking absently at the threads of the vibrant blankets, Will’s brow furrowed. The Solutions Tower belonged to him, and him alone. It might not hurt, however, to visit the vampire’s home, instead.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Pleasure Doing Business](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2325656) by [SummerAtLast](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SummerAtLast/pseuds/SummerAtLast)




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